And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
