I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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