im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize