you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
