So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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