Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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