i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
