my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
My day in three words: secret purse cake
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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