she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
