How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
