I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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