my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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