I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
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just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
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Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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