Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
