Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
my poor anus
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize