i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i just had sex bonerless
it was like eating out sand paper
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
