so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
where am i from again
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
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