hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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