I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
She said her name was "party"
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
