There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
