i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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