I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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