Ambien. No doubt about it.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I wish you could order shots online.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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