Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
