he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Randomize
