Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
