You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
