Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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