Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
smell my finger.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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