I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
