Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
