Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Randomize
