Can i not drive my cunt home
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
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