Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Randomize
