idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
