I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
