You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Randomize
