Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
