SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
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I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
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He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH