I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
one might say we're banned from that church
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"