at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.