my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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