shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
It's official drugs can't kill me
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.