i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
my vag is so smooth its legendary
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.