you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
