were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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