I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
