I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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