My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
