well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
