My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
You are a genius and a whore.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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