if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
