she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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