Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
