its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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