Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
