Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
