Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
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if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
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Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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