I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
