its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
