Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
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We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
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So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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