Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
