I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
