Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
