I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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