I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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