You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
