I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
